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Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, it took one week on the back half of the TSL Fall 2026 schedule for team to not only lock in and get serious, but for new teams to loudly announce their official claims to the metaphorical throne that is Social Co-Ed Touch Football Immortality. 

In D1, Can’t Touch This crashed the party, disposing of the Freeballers (and slapping them back into the reality that they’re simply the TSL’s version of the Cleveland Browns) and then walking up to the Sticky Bandits and slapping them in the teeth, handing them their first loss. Oh, and what was that noise? That was the sound of The Malones stomping a mud hole in Frodo Swaggins and walking it dry to the tune of 84 points after taking Sticky to their breaking point. We are SO back. 

D2 saw Let’s Get Reccked dispatch of Bullet Club as they’re appearing to have gotten on the same page and finally figured out this football thing. Ricky Recckio was said to have loudly exclaimed that “only The System is dead in D2!”  

D3 didn’t give anything we didn’t know already, but Mike’s Detailing made sure to slide into the “contenders” half of the division, hitting a sweet dragon uppercut to Practice Squad that may have sent them straight to the spring. 

D4 gave us the Coochie Monsters munching on some Tater Thots and easily handling them. And the Flying Balls? More like Flying to the top of the standings, as they sit at 3-1-1 in 2nd place. Oh, and the PowerPuff Girls might’ve finally woken up. This is still a 10 team Thunderdome. 

Next up, Blitzkrieg said they’ve got (D) five on it, sending Pit Harade rumbling down the standings on the way as they took over first place. 

And oh man, D6! D6 showed us….okay absolutely nothing we didn’t know. D6 showed us we needed a D7 for the bottom half of the division. Select, Irish Giants, Raw Milkers with a hint of SBG. We get it. 

New contenders had a coming out party in Week 5, now it’s on the established contenders to dole out some counter punches in Week 6, or get out of the way. 

D1

Can't Touch This had the day of their season so far: a 49‑47 dub over the Freeballers and then a systematic 38‑29 takedown of the Sticky Bandits. CTT is a team nobody wants to see. And then The Malones, who couldn't crack 30 all year, hung 84 on Frodo Swaggins, mistreating Garrett in a way he usually has to pay good money for. The Malones did this after dropping a 56‑49 shootout to Sticky earlier. Frodo’s bad day continued with a 52‑6 loss to Eyes Downtown. It's getting late early for Frodo.

STICKY BANDITS vs FRODO SWAGGINS (+13) - Ok Frodo, it can’t get any worse than last week. And word is that this all stems from a QB injury, but Immortality doesn’t care for excuses. Sticky was a play or two away from an 0-2 week last weekend and they’ll more than likely treat this as a “get right” game. STICKY BANDITS BY 16

EYES DOWNTOWN vs CAN’T TOUCH THIS (+7) - CTT’s ambition to collect all of the D1 Infinity Stones continues and with Eyes Downtown seemingly at full power, they picked a hell of a time to go at them. The reigning, defending, champions of the Social Co-Ed Touch Football Universe haven’t even reached their final form yet, but they’re close. Stopping a new threat in its tracks will help them get there. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 3

FREEBALLERS VS THE MALONES (+11) - it’s downright disrespectful for The Malones to be double digit underdogs in this game. Both of these franchises are getting right back to what they do best. For The Malones, that means putting up oodles of points, Rhace making no less than 3 people wanting to hit him with a lead pipe, and then rocking at the bar. For the Freeballers, it means not living up to expectations and rounding into form as the “second bye week” for the D1 playoffs. THE MALONES BY 8

D2

Let's Get Reccked finally lived up to their D1 DNA, announcing themselves to the divison in beating Bullet Club 34‑13. Bullet Club drops to 4‑1 and the division just got a lot more interesting, because BQI kept pace by surviving DXYZ 35‑31 and now sit 4‑2, tied with BC on points, but down in the head to head for now. PWI handled The System 30‑14 and quietly climbed to 3‑1, while The System's freefall continued to 1‑5. Andrew Kicak’s petition to Jeff Krol to have them “just like, you know, switch places” with Grey Hair was met with hearty belly laugh. 

BULLET CLUB VS BQI (+2) - BQI had this game immediately circled on the calendar when they lost to Bullet Club in Week 1, and they couldn’t be happier to be catching them after a loss and regressing back to the mean. Of course, BC didn’t have their QB last week, or their gaggle of girls in tow, which tends to lead to losses like last week. Hopefully both teams are at full power for this tilt. Game of the day. BQI BY 1

THE SYSTEM VS D-GENERATION X Y AND Z (+1) - Whatever is happening to The System, the rest of the TSL better hope it isn’t contagious. DXYZ were THIS close to knocking off BQI last week, and things are looking up for them. D-GENERATION X Y AND Z BY 12

PWI VS LET’S GET RECCKED (+11) - I think PWI has been kind of forgotten about considering they’ve only played 4 games so far this season. While they’re under the radar slightly, LGR leaped onto everyone else’s radar the last couple of games (except for the odds makers it seems), as they’ve been finding what works for them and executing well. This will be a battle. LET’S GET RECCKED BY 2. 

D3

Grey Hair - Don't Care is 6‑0 with relatively easy wins over Practice Squad and Cobblestone. Cunning Stunts kept pace with a 52‑38 win over Buffalo Vice. The real victim was Practice Squad, who drew a brutal doubleheader and lost both: first to Grey Hair and then to Mike's Detailing, who climbs to 3‑2 and into third.

COBBLESTONE VS BUFFALO VICE (+2) - A battle of the bottoms as these two teams are a combined 1-9. Buffalo Vice has had some good performances and just haven’t been rewarded for them. That’s going to change. BUFFALO VICE BY 10

GREY HAIR - DON’T CARE VS MIKE’S DETAILING (+15) - Mike’s Detailing can shock the TSL Universe with a win here. It’s not like they’re incapable of it, but they’re just getting a stupidly locked in GHDC team and it’s hard to beat them when they’re in this higher plane of existence. GREY HAIR - DON’T CARE BY 9

CUNNING STUNTS VS PRACTICE SQUAD (+11) - The Stunts have been a buzz saw for weeks now, cutting down anyone in their way as they prepare for a showdown with Grey Hair soon enough. Practice Squad has had a tough season and one has to wonder if B’s newfound celebrity status as a TikTok star has him less focused on football. Time will tell. CUNNING STUNTS BY 13

D4

Not So Sticky stayed perfect at 5‑0 with a win over Two Tuddies, but that’s the most boring part of D4. Coochie Monsters handled the Tater Thots 38‑18 to leap up the standings. Flying Balls crushed Balls Deep 37‑6. PowerPuff Girls finally turned potential into points, blasting Skeleton Crew 42‑18, and Blue Ballers edged a game Golfing squad but what’s wrong with their offense?

COOCHIE MONSTERS VS I'D RATHER BE GOLFING (+14) - Golfing hasn’t had much to enjoy about this season so far. It’s not going to get better this week with a double header of doom. COOCHIE MONSTERS BY 10

GREAT VALUE TATER THOTS VS I'D RATHER BE GOLFING (+11) - Like I said, doom. GREAT VALUE TATER THOTS BY 12

GREAT VALUE TATER THOTS VS FLYING BALLS (+2) - Now we’re getting spicy. A marquee matchup for this division this week. Thots just got humbled. Flying Balls are starting to look like the team that took the league by storm a couple of seasons ago. Something’s gotta give. I believe in these Balls. FLYING BALLS BY 4

NOT SO STICKY VS BLUE BALLERS (+5) - The Blue Ballers used to score points so often and so quickly it was being discussed how they can be harnessed as a renewable energy source. AND THEN…they just decided to stop being good at it. 20. 18. 36. 23. They used to do that in 10 minutes. Not a full game. Someone said they might have a QB holdout situation, and if that’s the problem, pay that man his money and stop screwing around. Oh, and Not So Sticky is good. NOT SO STICKY BY 14

 
POWERPUFF GIRLS VS TWO TUDDIES (+10) - it used to be fun to joke about the Tud Buds being not great because you’d always just assume they’d get it together and be fine. And then they just kinda forgot that part. Meanwhile, the PowerPuff Girls are smack dab in the middle of getting it together. Results are mixed but trending upwards. Sorry Tuddies. POWERPUFF GIRLS BY 16

D5

Blitzkrieg went 2‑0 on the day a 38‑36 win over Wet Bandits and then a 44‑16 demolition of Pit Harade to surge to 4‑2 and the top of the division. The 716ers pulled a 24‑19 upset of Come From Behind, and Wet Bandits split, bouncing back to hammer Room 40 30‑12 after the loss to Blitzkrieg. 

VICTORIOUS SECRET VS BLITZKRIEG (+12) - LETS GO!! Fall Blitzkrieg, led by Light Red Hoodie Guy, took the top spot in the standings from Victorious Secret just in time for this battle. BK has the experience and the female talent to hang with VS, who might also be suffering from a little rust after a few weeks off. BLITZKRIEG BY 7

PIT HARADE VS ROOM 40 (+1) - Pit Harade got hit by a bus last week, and they’ll be looking to get it together against an up and down Room 40 team that’s still working out some kinks. They can’t sleep on them though. PIT HARADE BY 3

TMA VS COME FROM BEHIND (+3) - TMA kicks off a double header this week with Come From Behind in what should be a great battle with some veteran teams. TMA has had no problem in D5 so far this season, and if they have a full roster they should win every game or at least keep it close. CFB is in the middle of trying to get accustomed to a newer (for them) QB, which leads to inconsistent results. TMA BY 6

TMA VS PIT HARADE (+11) - The second game for both teams that may have some future tiebreaker implications as well. This should be a hell of a clash on paper, not to mention it’s a bit of a who’s who of long time TSL celebrities. This should be a fun one. TMA BY 12

716ERS VS WET BANDITS (+4) - Both teams have been trending up. 716ers pulled off a win, and the Wet Bandits might be 1-2 in their last 3 games but they lost to PH and BK by 3 and by 2 so they’re a couple of plays away from being the talk of the division. This should be a great game. WET BANDITS BY 2

D6

Raw Milkers (4‑0) and the Irish Giants (3‑0) both stayed unbeaten with some easy wins. Raw Milkers won 33‑7 over Sticky Laces, the Giants a 40‑0 shutout of the Trophes. Select stayed in the hunt with a 46‑31 win over SBG. 

SBG VS CAT-TASTROPHE (+9) - Cat-Tastrophe finds themselves where SBG found themselves a season ago. That could mean the future is bright for them. Just, the future isn’t right now. SBG BY 16

IRISH GIANTS VS RAW MILKERS (+9) - ANOTHER AMAZING GAME! ITS ON!! The Milkers are exuding confidence this season and have self-anoited themselves as the team to beat. The Irish Giants have taken offense to that and they’re looking to put the Milkers in their place. Should be a battle. IRISH GIANTS BY 7

SELECT VS BLITZED AND CONFUSED (+22) - Select doesn’t really like to allow points, which is good since B&C doesn’t like to score any. A match made in heaven. SELECT BY 28

BENGAY BANDITS VS STICKY LACES (+3) - Here we have a very good mid card fight between two talented teams that should believe they have a chance to be included in the championship conversations, but they have to clean up some stuff over the next three weeks. This one comes down to the wire. BENGAY BANDITS BY 2

TSC vs THE GODFATHER

LAST WEEK'S RESULTS (Week 5):
The Godfather: 15‑9 SU, 7‑15‑2 ATS
The TSC: 16‑8 SU, 8‑14‑2 ATS

SEASON:
The Godfather: 68‑36‑3 SU, 54‑50‑3 ATS
The TSC: 57‑47‑3 SU, 44‑60‑3 ATS

This might have been the first time this season the machine beat me. I’ve been killing predictions. Shout out to everyone doing what they’re told. 

THE TSC'S PICKS:

D1
STICKY BANDITS VS FRODO SWAGGINS (+13) -- STICKY BANDITS BY 15
EYES DOWNTOWN VS CAN'T TOUCH THIS (+7) -- EYES DOWNTOWN BY 4
FREEBALLERS VS THE MALONES (+11) -- FREEBALLERS BY 8

D2
BULLET CLUB VS BQI (+2) -- BQI BY 2
THE SYSTEM VS D-GENERATION X Y AND Z (+1) -- D-GENERATION X Y AND Z BY 1
PWI VS LET'S GET RECCKED (+11) -- PWI BY 8

D3
COBBLESTONE VS BUFFALO VICE (+2) -- BUFFALO VICE BY 2
GREY HAIR - DON'T CARE VS MIKE'S DETAILING (+15) -- GREY HAIR - DON'T CARE BY 17
CUNNING STUNTS VS PRACTICE SQUAD (+11) -- CUNNING STUNTS BY 8

D4
COOCHIE MONSTERS VS I'D RATHER BE GOLFING (+14) -- COOCHIE MONSTERS BY 16
GREAT VALUE TATER THOTS VS I'D RATHER BE GOLFING (+11) -- GREAT VALUE TATER THOTS BY 8
GREAT VALUE TATER THOTS VS FLYING BALLS (+2) -- FLYING BALLS BY 2
NOT SO STICKY VS BLUE BALLERS (+5) -- BLUE BALLERS BY 2
POWERPUFF GIRLS VS TWO TUDDIES (+10) -- POWERPUFF GIRLS BY 7

D5
VICTORIOUS SECRET VS BLITZKRIEG (+12) -- VICTORIOUS SECRET BY 14
PIT HARADE VS ROOM 40 (+1) -- ROOM 40 BY 1
TMA VS COME FROM BEHIND (+3) -- COME FROM BEHIND BY 2
TMA VS PIT HARADE (+11) -- TMA BY 8
716ERS VS WET BANDITS (+4) -- WET BANDITS BY 1

D6
SBG VS CAT-TASTROPHE (+9) -- SBG BY 6
IRISH GIANTS VS RAW MILKERS (+9) -- IRISH GIANTS BY 6
SELECT VS BLITZED AND CONFUSED (+22) -- SELECT BY 24
BENGAY BANDITS VS STICKY LACES (+3) -- STICKY LACES BY 2

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY 

• Seriously, what is going on with The System that they’re so incredibly ass this season? Joe Miano just ends up being a way better QB when he doesn’t have to “deal” with Andrew Kicak’s meddling. This is ending up as the worst fusion since Veku (there is some nerd somewhere that wasn’t expecting to see that here today) or maybe since sushi pizza. 

• While there are so many big games this week, the game I have my eye on the most is the 716ers vs Wet Bandits contest in D5. Two teams with a lot of potential that are playing sneakily well? Sign me up. 

• Can't Touch This beat the Sticky Bandits last week and now gets Eyes Downtown. Are they officially the hottest team in D1? Yes, by a landslide. Ryan Dougherty is the league’s best QB, regardless of what the biased QB rankings committee (that must be made up of Bobby, Joey, and Mike Thomas) say.

• Victorious Secret vs Blitzkrieg is going to be a war, but Irish Giants vs Raw Milkers is going to be the game you’re going to want to watch this weekend. 

• The Blue Ballers lack of scoring is still concerning, so I’m wondering if they’re going to get their QB back before the season ends or if they’re already giving up? How they come out against Not So Sticky will tell us all we need to know. 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS BEFORE SATURDAY

• Signs of life from DXYZ is a good thing. The league is simply better when they’re playing well. BQI might’ve gotten lucky. 

• Games of the Day: 

• 10:00 - Blitzkrieg vs Victorious Secret

• 11:00 - Can’t Touch This vs Eyes Downtown

• 12:00 - BQI vs Bullet Club

• 1:00 - Blue Ballers vs Not So Sticky

• 2:00 - 716ers vs Wet Bandits

• 3:00 - Let’s Get Reccked vs PWI

• Breakfast Club Predictions:

• Steph Infection 22, Missydemeanor 14

• Carly-fornia Dreaming 40, Meagan It Happen 26

• D’s Nutz 37, Megoonsta’s 36

• Even as the league turns to October, it seems we’ve avoided any terrible weather game days, which can only mean the playoffs are in trouble.

• Grey Hair Don’t Care, Victorious Secret, and the top D6 teams all lead the category of “teams that are going to move up a division regardless of winning” as of now. 

• The TSL Banquet is right around the corner. It usually happens in the beginning of December, which means we’ll be hearing about the date soon enough. Prepare your livers. 

• Four unbeaten teams remain: Not So Sticky, Grey Hair Don’t Care, Raw Milkers, and Irish Giants. 

• If people could stop falling and landing awkwardly on Field 3 that would be great. You’re all messing the ground up and making the field all lumpy. A little grace would be nice. Also, stop with celebratory headbutts for good plays please. 

• Sticky Laces needs to get it together soon. 

• Don’t forget that the league has a ton of media out there for your pleasure every week: The Power Rankings, The Lenny Alba Variety Hour, The TSL Podcast, and the TSC come at you every single week! Enjoy! 

-GF OUT

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