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WEEK 5 POWER RANKINGS

Details: Category: TSL QB Power Rankings; Created: Wednesday, 29 May 2024 19:10; Published: Wednesday, 29 May 2024 19:10; Written by Jeff Krol; Hits: 2616

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!

If we've said it once, we've said it a thousand times... rankin' QBs ain't easy! Our Committee often disagrees amongst itself, and we argue about why someone should be ranked higher or lower. This week we've decided to show you the positive spin on each of these QBs and tell you why some of our members believed they deserved to be ranked HIGHER.

Enjoy!

#1 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week: Beat Frodo Swaggins 34-21

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: He's number one, he can NOT be ranked higher!

#2 Joey Batts - Eyes Uptown / Cunning Stunts

Last Week: Beat Sticky Bandits 42-37 (Eyes Uptown)

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: He has more points per game than any other QB in the highest division, AND more points per game than any other QB in the fourth division!

#3 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week: Lost to Eyes Uptown 42-37

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: He has led his team to the best record in D1 despite preseason odds from the Godfather that they would finish in third place!

#4 Jordan Lawson - Mavericks

Last Week: Did Not Play

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: He has scored 84 more points than the quarterback ranked above him in the same number of games (yes, in a lower division)!

#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 34-21

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: He deserves credit for having the biggest balls in the game, taking on D1 opponents every week when other teams would have dropped to D2 in the face of that competition!

#6 Andy Strug - The Malones

Last Week: Beat Practice Squad 60-30

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: He has scored 46, 48, 54 and 60 points in his four games so far this season! No one is CLOSE to that.

#7 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week: Beat Scared Hitless 39-18

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: He's got his team in second place after losing the best girl in the League... and even though this doesn't count for QB rankings, he's by FAR the best defensive player in the charts so far!

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week: Lost to Untouchaballs 39-18

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: He's one win away (against a winless team) from locking up the #2 seed in the insanely competitive D2 (which would put him one spot ABOVE the QB ranked ahead of him)!

#9 David Eickhoff - Freeballers

Last Week: Did Not Play

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: His team sneakily has the second best point differential in D2 (and the ONLY positive team besides Mavericks) which makes them POSSIBLY the second best team in D2! Yes, we know QBs have nothing to do with points against, but it's still worth pointing out that this is a solid team!

#10 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week: Beat Puckett All-Stars 47-46

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: We have eyes, and he's obviously a better passer than anyone else in this League! Imagine what CTT could do if they ever figured out how to play defense...

#11 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week: Did Not Play

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: There are ten QBs ranked above him, and nine of them have all lost a game so far... which Frank hasn't! Doesn't winning and losing mean anything?

#12 Theo Russell - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week: Lost to Puckett All-Stars 47-46

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: His team jumped up two divisions, and yet they have only ONE loss by more than one score! You're really going to hold a 47-46 loss against the QB???

#13 Damien Keller - Keller Whales

Last Week: Did Not Play

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: He's 3-1, and the QB ranked directly above him is 0-5! Divisions matter, but so does winning.

#14 Joe Miano - Jabronies

Last Week: Lost to Buffalo Vice 39-38

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: Half his team seems brand new to football and he's still scoring over 30+ PPG! Some teams are stacking their rosters with stars, while Jabronies are building their own.

#15 Alex Buchlis - Let's Get Reccked

Last Week: Did Not Play

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: His full team rarely shows up (or shows up limping or hungover or both) and it usually falls on him to bail them out!

#16 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice

Last Week: Beat Jabronies 39-38, lost to Bullet Club 28-22

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: He's got Vice smack in the middle of the D3 standings, in their first session after moving up from D4! Aren't QBs supposed to struggle when they move up?

#17 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad / Tater Tots

Last Week: Lost to the Malones 60-30 (Squad), beat Vaspian 40-7 (Tots)

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: Tater Tots were a middle of the pack D5 team before B made them immediate D4 contenders, and Practice Squad were what, D5 before B pushed them all the way up to D2 (someone fact check us there)? The man elevates his team every season!

#18 Dylan Jaloza - Bullet Club

Last Week: Beat Buffalo Vice 28-22

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: He's a couple lucky bounces away from Bullet Club being 3-0 in their last few games! They almost beat Wanderers, remember...

#19 Buddy Lee - Passing While Intoxicated, Back That Pass Up

Last Week: Beat Creekers 43-34 (PWI), lost to Pit Harade 36-16 (BTPU)

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: He has PWI at second place in D4, and he probably played every one of those games while drunk! He also has BTPU at .500 right now, a season after they finished the regular season 1-8.

#20 Mitchell Bennett - Creekers

Last Week: Did Not Play

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: He won D5 and then immediately led Creekers to a winning record (so far) in D4!

#21 Ethan Herbold - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

Last Week: Did Not Play

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: His team has the worst defense of any team considered a "contender" in D4 (32.4 PPG Allowed), which puts all the pressure on Ethan to bail them out!

#22 Kelly Kane - GUCCI

Last Week: Did Not Play

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: She's one of only five undefeated QBs, she's carrying the torch for female QBs everywhere, she's freakin' awesome... she should be in the Top Twenty at LEAST!

#23 Paul LoVullo - Come From Behind

Last Week: Beat Not So Sticky 16-7

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: He has the strongest arm in the League (it should be legally classified as "a cannon") and his team is scoring like 50 PPG when Paul plays (in decent weather only!)

#24 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids

Last Week: Beat TMA 28-14

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: He'd undefeated and one of only four teams scoring 40+ PPG! It almost feels like the Power Rankers (and Sentinel, and Godfather, and Podcast) are holding it against him for dropping down to D5...

#25 Kyle Conniff - PowerPuff Girls

Last Week: Did Not Play

Should Be Ranked Higher Because: He's playing his first session as the QB1 of all girls team so his wins/stats aren't going to match many of the QBs above him... but anyone who watches this League knows he's a top fifteen QB easy!

Fancy Statistics Section

This doesn't really count as "fancy statistics"... but have you ever wondered what the TSL would look like if divisions were all the same size? D1 and D2 are typically smaller than the others because, frankly, teams don't want to play against the top teams. But what if they HAD to? There are 45 teams in the League excluding Breakfast Club. If we sorted them into six divisions of 7 or 8 teams based on their current records, ignoring what division they signed up for, would this make the League better or worse? Better for some, worse for others we suppose... here's what it would look like:

Honestly? These look pretty competitive! The "worst" team in each division would have a chance against the "best".

And just for fun, here's what it would look like if we randomized divisions alphabetically:

LOOK AT DIVISION C-G!!! Poor Dogg Pound... they'd be stuck in a division with seven absolute killers. We assume division champs would be Can't Touch This, Eyes Up or Downtown, Mavericks, Puckett All-Stars, Sticky Bandits and the Untouchaballs, but you never know...

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week! As we said above, we don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. You tell him, he'll tell us.

What's YOUR ranking?

WEEK 4 POWER RANKINGS

Details: Category: TSL QB Power Rankings; Created: Wednesday, 22 May 2024 12:38; Published: Wednesday, 22 May 2024 12:38; Written by Jeff Krol; Hits: 2830

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!

Sometimes we're lazy

and write the Haiku Rankings

Today is that day.

#1 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week: Beat Sticky Bandits 35-20

Number one QB,

Beat the unbeaten Bandits,

Congrats to Bobby!

#2 Joey Batts - Eyes Uptown / Cunning Stunts

Last Week: Beat Frodo Swaggins 49-8 (Eyes Uptown), beat Roaring 20s 51-28 (Cunning Stunts)

Most points in D1,

Most points in D4 per game,

Should be number one!

#3 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week: Beat Frodo Swaggins 23-12, lost to Eyes Downtown 35-20

Lost to Eyes Downtown,

Still best record in D1,

Then he beat Frodo.

#4 Jordan Lawson - Mavericks

Last Week: Beat Scared Hitless 56-38, lost to Can't Touch This 31-27

First loss of season,

Mavericks still pretty good,

Might clinch one seed soon!

#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week: Lost to Sticky Bandits 23-12, lost to Eyes Uptown 49-8

Forty nine to eight,

What a shitty way to lose,

Sticky game was close!

#6 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week: Lost to Mavericks 56-38

Hitless lost a game,

Undefeated season's dead.

Still a solid team

#7 David Eickhoff - Freeballers

Last Week: Beat Untouchaballs 30-16

How bout that Eickhoff?

He ages like a fine wine.

Big win against Champs!

#8 Andy Strug - The Malones

Last Week: Beat Keller Whales 46-20

Malones win battle

Of unbeaten D3 teams.

Can't slow down this O!

#9 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week: Lost to Freeballers 30-16

Burr put up sixteen,

That's not enough to win games!

Champs are in trouble?

#10 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week: Beat Bullet Club 35-29

One more win for Frank,

Wanderers are unbeaten

Is this their season??

#11 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week: Beat Mavericks 31-27

The streak is over!

Can't Touch This finally wins!

Can they keep it up?

#12 Theo Russell - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week: Did Not Play

No game for Theo

Puckett All-Stars on a bye

First win is coming.

#13 Damien Keller - Keller Whales

Last Week: Lost to The Malones 46-20

Malones beat the Whales

and it was not very close.

Maybe in playoffs?

#14 Joe Miano - Jabronies

Last Week: Beat Topper All Stars & Todd 27-13

Happy birthday Joe!

Team celebrates with a win.

Joe's mojo is back.

#15 Alex Buchlis - Let's Get Reccked

Last Week: Beat Practice Squad 29-28

Close win for Buchlis,

Reccked needs people to show up

Sucks when short handed.

#16 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad / Tater Tots

Last Week: Lost to Let's Get Reccked 29-28 (Practice Squad), lost to ILF 23-16 and PWI 38-28 (Tater Tots)

Tots finally lost,

Three losses in one day, B??

Not your best work, Ford!

#17 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice

Last Week: Did Not Play

No game for B. Vice.

Brutal schedule to start year,

They needed a break!

#18 Dylan Jaloza - Bullet Club

Last Week: Lost to Wanderers 35-29

Heart breaking close loss!

Bullet Club not that far off,

They won't go winless.

#19 Mitchell Bennett - Creekers

Last Week: Beat Vaspian 42-12

Another huge win,

The Creekers are legit good.

Can they win D4??

#20 Ethan Herbold - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

Last Week: Did Not Play

Ethan did not play,

ILF won with Langley.

Ethan holds them back??

Fancy Statistics Section

Here are the top ten best (and worst!) offenses, defenses, and point differentials in the League through the first four weeks. As always, all numbers are shown on a per game basis:

A few observations:

Travis Henry's Kids, Cunning Stunts, Creekers, Sausage McMuffins and Blitzkrieg each appear on all three "best of" lists, which means they're having very strong starts to their season. Most impressive might be either the Stunts (we expect their offense to be prolific, but how about that all girls defense???) or the Creekers (who moved up a division and are STILL killing it), and least impressive are Travis Henry's Kids (the "anti-Creekers" who moved DOWN a division, and get an asterisk next to all their accomplishments this season).
The Roaring 20's, Reset Warriors, and TMA are the only three teams to appear on all three "worst of" lists, but two of them are brand new teams so we'll give them a pass. We remember when TMA was really good... roster turnover (and aging) are tough to overcome!
How about Pit Harade? They have the fifth worst offense in the League at 18.75 PPG... but they're 3-1 on the season on the strength of their #1 defense (allowing 13.25 PPG).
Four of the five worst point differentials in the TSL belong to brand new teams. In fact Just Joshing has the best point differential in the TSL right now for a true "brand new team"... and they're -7.3 PPG, good for 32nd in the League! Moral of the story: it takes time to figure out how to succeed in this League. If you're struggling right out of the gate, it doesn't mean you won't turn it around eventually!

What's YOUR ranking?

WEEK 2 POWER RANKINGS

Details: Category: TSL QB Power Rankings; Created: Thursday, 09 May 2024 19:21; Published: Thursday, 09 May 2024 19:21; Written by Jeff Krol; Hits: 2235

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!

We have TWO WEEKS in the books now and every single team in the League has played at least one game. Perennial winners like Eyes Uptown (Legends), Puckett All-Stars, Jabronies and Come From Behind are all winless. Travis Henry's Kids are on top of the standings (after shamefully dropping down a division of course). It's a crazy, upside down world, but it'll start to make more sense as the season progresses and attendance/schedule issues even out.

For now though, here are your TOP FIFTEEN Quarterbacks in the TSL (and, one might argue, the world):

#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week: Beat Eyes Downtown 35-32

We hope Sticky Nation isn't TOO offended to hear us say we did not see this one coming. Yes, Eyes Downtown was without suspended defensive star Ben Stack, but they still boast as much firepower as anyone in the League. Hats off to the Sticky crew for being the only undefeated team left in D1 after two weeks. Their prize? Eyes Uptown this week.

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week: Lost to Sticky Bandits 35-32

One loss won't sink their season, but it will sink Bobby one spot in the Power Rankings this week. This is probably still the best team in the League, and we wouldn't bet against them in any remaining games this season. Prediction: Bobby takes back the #1 spot sooner rather than later.

#3 Joey Batts - Eyes Uptown / Cunning Stunts

Last Week: Did Not Play

No games this week for either Battaglia team. What a snoozefest for the rest of the League.

#4 Jordan Lawson - Mavericks

Last Week: Beat Untouchaballs 62-30

How's this for clever football analysis: sixty two points is pretty good! Another BIG win for the Mavericks (couldn't they have just replaced Losing Streak in D1?) who have staked out an early lead in the D2 race. Regular season seeding may not matter for most divisions, but remember, the top two seeds will get a first round bye in D2, and Jordan's got the fast track for that through two weeks.

#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week: Did Not Play

Frodo Swaggins was off last week, and rumor has it Garrett was hobbled playing for Let's Get Reccked. Let's hope it doesn't affect his QBing this week for Frodo's Eyes Uptown/Downtown Doubleheader.

#6 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week: Beat Puckett All-Stars 30-28

Scared Hitless was just 2-7 last season and in 7th place (D2 doesn't even HAVE seven teams anymore!) when suddenly they flipped a switch. Since then they've had a deep playoff run to the D2 Finals, and started this season 2-0. They could lose every game for the rest of this regular season and STILL finish with a better record than last Fall (they won't... but they could).

#7 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week: Lost to Mavericks 62-30, beat Puckett All-Stars 33-20

Getting beat by 32 points is never fun. But if we're looking at the positives, Burr STILL put up 30 points in this game, which is actually pretty decent (the League average through two weeks is 29.25 PPG). We don't expect a Matt Helm team to surrender 62 points again, so next time these teams play, it'll probably be a lot closer... we think. Untouchaballs rebounded well in a bounce back win over Puckett to pick up their first win of the season.

#8 David Eickhoff - Freeballers

Last Week: Beat Can't Touch This 43-20

It felt strange writing "David Eickhoff - Freeballers" after so many years of Grey Hair - Don't Care. While the team may be new to Dave, the success is not, as Freeballers picked up their first win this season with ease. Are Freeballers good enough to compete for the championship? We're not sure we know the answer to that yet. But their odds are a lot better with Eickhoff steering the ship.

#9 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week: Lost to Freeballers 43-20

Poor Can't Touch This. If the website is correct, they were 6-0 last Fall for about an hour, until they got destroyed by Freeballers 58-18. Since then, they're on a 6 game losing streak, including THIS week's loss to Freeballers. Ryan's still a blast to watch, but we would think it would translate into more W's.

#10 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week: Did Not Play

No games for Wanderers this week, although Frank DID pull off a Buffalo Vice win subbing at QB (this doesn't affect his QB rating, but we think it's pretty cool)

#11 Theo Russell - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week: Lost to Scared Hitless 30-28, lost to Untouchaballs 33-20.

Puckett continues their "we're definitely good enough to be in D2, but not QUITE good enough to win yet" tour this Spring with another hard fought close loss to Scared Hitless, and a slightly less close but respectable loss to the reigning D2 champs Untouchaballs. We'd bet they'll pick up their first W soon, but they'd better hurry... Those D1 crossover games are looming.

#12 Damien Keller - Keller Whales

Last Week: Beat Let's Get Reccked 33-28

The TSL's youngest QB continued his hot streak as the Keller Whales outlasted Let's Get Reccked to start the season 3-0. Wanderers and Malones are the only other undefeated teams in D3, and wouldn't ya know it, they are two of Keller Whale's next three opponents. We'll learn a lot about how viable the Keller championship odds are in the next few weeks.

#13 Andy Strug - The Malones

Last Week: Beat Bullet Club 48-39

Why aren't the Malones given more respect around the TSL? Andy has played one game this session. He won, and put up 48 points. It's not like we should be sleeping on the Malones because they're "new" either -- they DID make it to the D3 championship game last session, they've proven they can win games. People (our Committee included) are probably focused too much on who the "big names" are in the TSL over the years and not on who's kicking ass right now.

#14 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad / Tater Tots

Last Week: Beat Jabronies 33-31 (Practice Squad), beat The Roaring 20's 57-16

D2 wasn't the best experience for Practice Squad. Fortunately for them, they're back in D3 and it looks like they're RIGHT where they belong. The Squad has already won two games this session (almost as many as they won in the last year in D2) and B's playing with confidence every week. Tater Tots were smart to put their trust in him this session, making the jump to D4 and just smoking a couple teams right out of the gate.

#15 Alex Buchlis - Let's Get Reccked

Last Week: Lost to Keller Whales 33-28

Let's Get Reccked had some injuries and absences this week, but they're a solid team and still expected to be in the mix for the D3 championship this season in what's shaping up to be one of the TSL's most exciting divisions. LGR's only losses are to two undefeated teams, and their only win is against a winless team.

Fancy Statistics Section

We HATE doing graphs and charts too early in the season before they have any meaning. HATE it. In fact, we hate it so much that we made a graph just to show how stupid it is! Here is your "WAY TOO EARLY TO MATTER" graph of every team in the TSL and their average win (or loss) margin per game, through two weeks:

Why do we show this data if it doesn't matter (and you can barely read it anyway, with that tiny font)? We like to look at the extremes of either end of the League to see how likely these teams are to keep it up, for better or for worse. So who has the BEST point differentials in the League through two weeks? Sausage McMuffins (+40 PPG), Tater Tots (+33.5 PPG) and Travis Henry's Kids (+31 PPG). Are these "meaningful" numbers? Well...

Sausage McMuffins have played a single game against a brand new team, which they won by 40. Is it reasonable to expect they will beat other teams by a similar score? No.
Tater Tots have one quality win against Creekers (who we think are a decent team) and then a 41 point annihilation of the brand new "Roaring 20's" team. They're a good team, but is the rest of D4 going to allow them to keep up this win margin? No.
Travis Henry's Kids have beaten up on one gender team still finding its identity and one great team... which was missing all its players. Are they going to be so lucky when they face a full strength GUCCI? They might WIN, but it won't be by 30.

The first team with a big point differential that we think might sustain that level of success throughout the season is the Mavericks (+19 PPG) and even there, they'll probably regress towards the mean at some point.

On the other end of the spectrum, who are the teams with the worst margins of defeat through two weeks? Come From Behind (-28 PPG), Dogg Pound (-22.5 PPG) and The Roaring 20's (-17.7 PPG). Are THESE "meaningful" numbers? Well...

Come From Behind played two games this season without their QB or even a fourth male player. Not only do we expect them to bounce back from -28 PPG, but we wouldn't be surprised if they broke even on point differential by end of the season.
Dogg Pound and The Roaring 20's are brand new teams still figuring out how to win in this League, and they'll only grow in experience throughout the season. Will either team have a winning record? Maybe not, but they might not be getting crushed by 20 points per game by the end of the season either.

Our point being, let's not overreact to stats after two weeks. The best teams are happy they're crushing teams, but that doesn't usually last. The most miserable teams wish they weren't GETTING crushed every week, but the good news for them is that doesn't usually last either! We won't know how good or bad anyone really is for a couple weeks. Try not to freak out before then.

What's YOUR ranking?

WEEK 3 POWER RANKINGS

Details: Category: TSL QB Power Rankings; Created: Thursday, 16 May 2024 11:31; Published: Thursday, 16 May 2024 11:31; Written by Jeff Krol; Hits: 2240

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!

SO many storylines to wade through this week, so let's just get to it:

#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week: Beat Eyes Uptown 28-26

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week: Lost to Frodo Swaggins 37-25

#3 Joey Batts - Eyes Uptown / Cunning Stunts

Last Week: Beat Frodo Swaggins 28-15, lost to Sticky Bandits 38-26 (Eyes Uptown), beat ILF 34-14, beat PWI 43-20

#4 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week: Beat Eyes Downtown 37-25, lost to Eyes Uptown 28-15

Let's just do all four D1 quarterbacks at once. LOOK HOW EVEN THIS DIVISION IS!

The graph above shows each division's BEST average point differential per game vs the division's WORST average point differential per game. So if the best team is winning by an average of 7 points per game, and the worst team is losing by an average of -10 points per game, the difference between those numbers is 17. Notice anything different about D1? These four teams are playing INCREDIBLY tight games right now, and it's by FAR the closest division in the TSL from top to bottom (Breakfast Club excluding Jeneva Conventions was pretty close too, but if we include EVERY team in that division, the total score is still almost three times higher than D1). Eyes Downtown, Eyes Uptown and Frodo Swaggins are all 1-1 against each other, and all three teams have lost to Sticky Bandits... by between 2 and 4 points. EVERY team in this division is either in first place (Sticky Bandits) or one TD against Sticky Bandits AWAY from being in first place. That's parity, folks.

So how do you rank Quarterbacks when every team is essentially the same? Mike Thomas is an easy #1 by virtue of winning all those close games. We've got Bobby #2 because he leads the division in scoring. We've got Joey #3 because a) he beat Garrett head to head and b) the Stunts have been incredible. But the difference between Mike and Garrett is so small, this really MIGHT be the TSL's best division (if not its lamest, for having four teams and multiple suspensions).

#5 Jordan Lawson - Mavericks

Last Week: Tied Untouchaballs 31-31

They say ties are like "kissing your sister"... but hey, maybe the Mavericks don't mind the incest that much this week. They remain unbeaten on the season (and in both games against the reigning division champion), and ensure they'll have the tiebreaker over Untouchaballs if it comes down to it. There are worse things in life. D1 crossover games are coming in a few weeks, and we wouldn't be shocked if Mavericks pulls off the upset in those.

#6 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week: Beat Freeballers 39-25

Scared Hitless is STILL undefeated on the season after coasting to another win against Freeballers on Saturday. They're 3-0, but they haven't faced either Mavericks or Untouchaballs yet. Is this just lucky scheduling, or do they belong in the conversation for D2 favorites?

#7 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week: Tied Mavericks 31-31, beat Can't Touch This 32-26

Untouchaballs get a BIT of redemption this week by proving they can, in fact, hang with the Mavericks, and then beating Can't Touch This to go 2-1-1. We tend to think the big loss was a fluke and this team will be playing for the D2 championship in just over a month.

#8 David Eickhoff - Freeballers

Last Week: Beat Puckett All-Stars 34-24, lost to Scared Hitless 39-25

Was Eickhoff there or not there on Saturday? We've heard conflicting reports. His Power Ranking remains unchanged though as Freeballers go 1-1 on the day.

#9 Andy Strug - The Malones

Last Week: Beat Buffalo Vice 54-32

It's probably way past time that Andy Strug finds his way into the Top Ten. The Malones lead the ENTIRE TSL in points per game through three weeks (two games for them) at an astonishing 51 PPG. No, they haven't played Wanderers or Keller Whales yet, and yes, they're opponents are a combined 1-6. But they don't control who they play, and they've absolutely killed every defense they've seen this session.

#10 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week: Beat Topper All Stars & Todd 45-26

Who had "Frank Laudico vs Brandt Dubey" on their bingo card for 2024? What a random dream matchup that we never knew we needed. Of course Frank had the advantage of playing for a locked in Wanderers team while Dubey came out of retirement to play for someone else's team, so the outcome was never in doubt. Wanderers are 3-0 and sixth in the League in scoring.

#11 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week: Lost to Untouchaballs 32-26

The losing streak continues for Can't Touch This as they dropped another one on Saturday to Untouchaballs. Two of their losses this season (including this week's) have been by one score, so at least they've been competitive. But at some point they need to win some games for "the guy everyone pretty much agrees LOOKS like the best QB in the League" to jump back into the Top Ten.

#12 Theo Russell - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week: Lost to Freeballers 34-24

The Sentinel says Puckett played with a backup QB this week, so maybe this one's not on Theo. We're telling you, their first D2 win is coming soon!

#13 Damien Keller - Keller Whales

Last Week: Did Not Play

No game for the Keller Klan this week.

#14 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad / Tater Tots

Last Week: Beat Bullet Club 39-26 (Practice Squad), beat Cobblestone 38-25 (Tater Tots)

B's teams last session were a combined 4-14. This season he's already off to a combined 6-1, and that doesn't even include a huge breakfast club comeback a couple weeks ago. Practice Squad and the Tots are two of the nicer teams in the League, so everyone on our Committee loves that their having success this season.

#15 Joe Miano - Jabronies

Last Week: Beat Let's Get Reccked 28-22

The Jabronies picked up their first win of the season in style Saturday over their old rivals from Let's Get Reccked. Eric Kleckler's pot kicking shenanigans often overshadow the heroics of his star QB, so let's take a moment to remember that Joe Miano is pretty f'ing good at this.

#16 Alex Buchlis - Let's Get Reccked

Last Week: Lost to Jabronies 28-22

The only thing worse than a loss is a loss to your rivals. Let's Get Reccked were missing a bunch of people on Saturday which makes a big difference (plus Garrett did not exactly look his best running around out there) but either way, they can't be too happy to be sitting at 1-3... especially with their next two opponents currently a combined 5-1.

#17 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice

Last Week: Lost to The Malones 54-32

Buffalo Vice is 1-3 since winning D4 and making the jump to D3. We tend to give rising teams like Vice a bit of a pass their first season, as it usually takes time to adjust to the faster play of a higher division. Having the sixth worst defense in the TSL to date probably doesn't help.

#18 Dylan Jaloza - Bullet Club

Last Week: Lost to Practice Squad 39-26

Bullet Club is actually 16th in the League in scoring right now. That's the good news! The bad news: they are dead last in defense, and the only team in the TSL giving up more than 40 PPG. D3 is a fun division though, and the talent disparity from top to bottom really doesn't look like it should be THAT severe. We wouldn't count these guys out from making a run in the playoffs.

#19 Mitchell Bennett - Creekers

Last Week: Beat Reset Warriors 35-8

The Creekers were once a winless D4 team that dropped down to D5 and immediately won that championship. Now they're back in D4, and this time they're playing with confidence. Mitch has his team 9th in the TSL in scoring, and they're one of only three teams in the division with a winning record.

#20 Ethan Herbold - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

Last Week: Lost to Cunning Stunts 34-14, beat PWI 48-47

We're not sure what to make of the ILFers this session. A 48-47 win over PWI is incredible... but their only other win was against newcomers The Roaring 20s, and both of their losses weren't particularly close. This was a team many had pegged to challenge the Stunts for the D4 championship this season, but a 20 point loss on Saturday probably doesn't inspire much confidence.

Fancy Statistics Section

Alright FINE. Ten of the teams in this League are already halfway through the season, so I guess we're far enough along that we can give you a graph and not have it be TOTALLY meaningless.

Inspired by the D1 graph above, here is EVERY team in the League and their average point differential per game (in other words, how much they're winning by, or losing by, per game). Teams in the Green are winning (on average), teams in the Red are losing:

What's YOUR ranking?

WEEK 1 POWER RANKINGS

Details: Category: TSL QB Power Rankings; Created: Thursday, 02 May 2024 14:30; Published: Thursday, 02 May 2024 14:30; Written by Jeff Krol; Hits: 2269

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings! If you've read our article in the past (if for no other reason than to complain about how wrong we are) then you’re familiar with the concept – every week we share our rankings for the Top QBs in the League and discuss who’s trending up and who's trending down. We on the QB Power Rankings Committee are not what you'd call "great writers" (or even "very good" writers... check out the Godfather if you want better writing) so we typically lean heavily on graphs and stats instead... at least, we do after a few weeks, when there's significant enough data to bother sharing. In our season opening articles we also make a few predictions for the session and re-print an explanation of how these Power Rankings work, which we've copied and pasted almost verbatim from previous articles.

So a little Q&A to refresh your memories:

“There are 51 teams in the TSL this season! Are you going to show rankings for all 51 starting QB’s every week?”

Not even close. At minimum, the Top Ten will be shown EVERY week. We always expand as the season goes on, so you'll see a Top 15, Top 20... last season we got to a Top 25, so we do try to be inclusive.

“Is this going to be heavily biased towards the higher divisions?”

In a word: yes. The purpose of a Power Ranking is to highlight the absolute best in the League, and for the most part the best are competing AGAINST the best. We will absolutely be acknowledging the performances (good and bad) of Quarterbacks in the lower divisions as well, but it's rare that a lower division QB will crack the Top Ten or Fifteen, and that's the way it should be (this is why "D5 Langley" will struggle to crack the Rankings this season.). Generally speaking if you don't like your ranking, our advice is to try moving up a division next session. The better your competition, the more credibility you earn for beating it.

"Are gender team QBs treated differently in the Rankings?"

Not really. A team's a team, and although gender team scores tend to be a little higher (every TD = minimum 8 points) we don't see much difference. It takes skill to win with men; it takes skill to win with women. The biggest knock on gender teams is that they tend to play in lower divisions and as we said above, we do factor THAT into our rankings.

"How are you ranking backup QBs if they come in and play better than some other team's starter?"

Generally we're only ranking one QB per team, even if you've got a player on your bench that you think could be a successful starter elsewhere. And for teams with unreliable QBs who don't show up often enough for us to even KNOW who the starter is, we often leave them out of our rankings entirely... as they say, the best "ability" is "availability". If you want to get ranked, show up and play as often as you can.

"I'm new to this League and people don't know me yet! How do I get ranked when I'm still an unknown?"

For starters, you should play really well. If you're scoring a lot of points, we WILL notice you. There are several new teams this session, so we probably DON'T know who you all are yet. We no longer have our own email address due to some legal restructuring stuff, so if you want to tell us about your QB, why not email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and introduce yourself? And please, please be patient. If you're the highest scoring team in the League in Week 2, that doesn't mean we're anointing you as the next Bobby McConnell just yet. Keep at it, play well, and we promise eventually we will recognize you.

"What about Breakfast Club QBs?"

Breakfast Club is for fun, not crushing your opponents, so if you're running up the score to try to get noticed... well, that only makes you an asshole! We don't put a lot of stock in the stats from Breakfast Club and don't factor that into our Rankings.

“So you’re only ranking QB’s… what about the rest of us?”

Oh, we didn’t forget about the rest of you. In addition to the QB Rankings, we will do our best to put out other rankings that the rest of you can enjoy – best team offenses, best team defenses, best referees, best male receivers, best female receivers, best at bar … ranking anything is always fun. Unless we rank you last, of course.

“You keep saying ‘we’. Who is writing this? Who determines these rankings?”

Don’t worry about who’s writing this. Let’s be honest: If you knew who was on our Committee (there's a few of us), you would incessantly whine to them about why you or your QB should be ranked higher every week. Anonymity is key for journalism THIS important.

And that's how the Power Rankings work. We expect it's going to be an incredible season, with fifty-ish teams battling for TSL supremacy. Our official predictions for this year (with the benefit of one week already being in the books, of course):

Wanderers win their first ever TSL championship, and we'll even guess the score is 30 something to 30 something in the D3 Finals
Whoever wins D2 will buck the trend and actually jump to D1 in the Fall... stranger things have happened!
At least one brand new team will make it to their divisions Finals game
GUCCI finally shake off their underperforming in the playoffs and take home the D5 championship
The Rose Garden WILL begin construction before the end of the Spring session!
No D6 team will finish with more than 6 wins in the regular season

But what do we know? We went 2 out of 6 on last year's predictions:

Legends do NOT win the D1 championship for a record fourth straight season [nailed it! Eyes Downtown walked away with the title... as well as the 2023 Team of the Year Award]
There will be at least one gender team vs gender team Finals. We're counting GUCCI as a gender team here to give us some more flexibility, but we'll either seen Father Baker vs Cunning Stunts or BAADies vs GUCCI in a championship game this Fall. [we could not have been MORE wrong; Cunning Stunts was the only gender team to escape the first round, after which they promptly lost in the semis, and GUCCI, Father Baker and BAADies all lost in the first round... with Father Baker and BAADies combining for a total of zero points!]
No one goes winless this season. Yes, we made that prediction last Spring and got it wrong (twice) but we feel much better about it this time! [wrong yet again; Not So Sticky went winless in the regular season before shocking Spinelli's in the playoffs... but TMA won zero games the entire Fall session]
Frodo Swaggins has the worst record of any returning team in D1, but they will make their division's Final Four. [they did! Frodo beat Sticky Nation in the play-in game to make the Final Four, and had a reasonably competitive semifinals game against Legends before bowing out of the playoffs]
Freeballers will play in (and maybe win, but that's not an "official" prediction) the D2 Championship game [we were so close... but Freeballers lost a classic to Scared Hitless, so the furthest they made it was the semi-finals]
Steph's Misty-rious Infection beats the Dirty Dozen in the Breakfast Club Finals [we got the winner right... but not the runner-up, as BDD was the next-to-last team standing in Breakfast Club]

So there you go. Let's get to the first QB Power Rankings of the Spring 2024 Season.

As always, we do NOT overreact to one week's worth of games in our first Power Rankings of the season. Joey Batts and Garrett Beesing both lost on Saturday - you think they're going to fall very far in the Rankings? Not a chance. You also might not see many new people yet because we need a larger sample size to see how some of these changes play out. Sorry if you don't like it, but if people are good enough, their stock will rise quickly and we'll get them Ranked over the next few weeks.

Here are your Top Ten starting QBs in the TSL:

#1 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week: Beat Eyes Uptown 43-34

Last season's #1 ranked QB and D1 champion picked up where he left off with a win over his biggest rivals. Will Bobby become the first player to win Fall, Winter and Spring back-to-back-to-back? The schedule only gets easier from here for Eyes Downtown.

#2 Joey Batts - Eyes Uptown / Cunning Stunts

Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 43-34, beat Reset Warriors 42-34

"Legends" are now "Eyes Uptown", which is trolling at its finest. It'll be tough for TSL icon Joey Batts to reclaim the #1 spot for a few weeks at least, until he gets another shot at a head-to-head win over Bobby and Eyes Downtown. Although success eluded his D1 team on opening day, the Stunts picked up right where they left off with a win over newcomers Reset Warriors, which should be a surprise to no one.

#3 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week: Beat Frodo Swaggins 25-21

The Sticky Bandits broke a three game losing streak against Frodo Swaggins on Saturday in a battle between "the other two" D1 teams. The game wasn't very high scoring but this was likely a result of the pouring rain at the 10 am hour. Would Mike jump up to the #1 spot with a win over Eyes Downtown this weekend?

#4 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week: Lost to Sticky Bandits 25-21

The BAADies are no more (rest in peace) but Frodo Swaggins are still going strong in D1. Their record is bound to look a little shaky playing against Eyes Downtown, Eyes Uptown and Sticky Bandits every week, but don't be fooled into thinking this isn't one of the three or four best teams in the TSL.

#5 Jordan Lawson - Mavericks

Last Week: Beat Freeballers 32-14, beat Puckett All-Stars 44-38

Add Losing Streak to the list of disbanded teams this session, as the Mavericks are now Jordan's sole team in the League (bring back Victorious Secret!). They started off hot by crushing Freeballers and then held on an hour later to beat Puckett and go 2-0. Untouchaballs haven't played yet, but Mavericks might be the early favorites in D2. Strangely Jordan DROPPED two spots in the Power Rankings after going 2-0, but that's more a product of the QBs above him facing stronger competition in Week One.

#6 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week: Did Not Play

No game for the reigning D2 champs last week. Untouchaballs will open with a doubleheader this week against Mavericks and Puckett.

#7 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week: Beat Can't Touch This 38-36

Scared Hitless overcame Can't Touch This in a tight battle for early D2 bragging rights. Dylan jumps ahead of Ryan in the QB Rankings, but both QBs put on a show scoring 36+ points.

#8 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week: Lost to Scared Hitless 38-36

Scared Hitless overcame Can't Touch This in a tight battle for early D2 bragging rights. Dylan jumps ahead of Ryan in the QB Rankings, but both QBs put on a show scoring 36+ points. (What? Why can't we use the same write-up twice?)

#9 Theo Russell - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week: Lost to Mavericks 44-38

Alright Puckett All-Stars, WE SEE YOU. After adding some serious talent, Puckett made the jump from D4 to D2, and they immediately looked right at home keeping up with the Mavericks in a close Week One loss. Theo Russell had a few moments that made you think "this guy is definitely new to QBing co-ed touch football", but he also had a few that made you think "holy shit, keep an eye on this guy after he has a full season under his belt".

#10 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week: Beat Buffalo Vice 34-32, beat Let's Get Reccked 36-32

Both games were close in the end, but isn't this what we expect out of Wanderers at this point? Their defense gives up 30+ points, Frank and the offense do JUST enough to lock up the wins? D3 is always one of our tightest divisions from top to bottom, and a 2-0 start is exactly what the Wanderers need to build SOME separation from the pack.

Fancy Statistics Section

Yeah, right. You're not getting any fancy statistics out of us until at LEAST Week Four, and even then we'll tell you the sample size is too small to be meaningful (yes, we're going to copy/paste this line next week too, so get used to it)

What's YOUR ranking?

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